​Peace be with you.

Franciscan Young Adult Ministry had the luxury of spending October 24th, 25th, and 26th of 2020 at Our Lady of Fatima Retreat House in Indianapolis. I am writing this reflection about our grace-filled retreat that sought to experience Christ in the Chaos of this year. I served as a spiritual companion during this profound weekend, and I plan to write to convince you of the need to spend time uniting ourselves to God via prayer in this chaotic world.

Shannon Sonderman and Oscar Henriquez, Young Adult Ministry Coordinator’s for FRAYAM planned and orchestrated an eventful weekend focused on personal prayer. You may have experienced spiritual retreats whose primary goal is to overwhelm you with engaging activities, forced sharing, and community building. Although these can be beautiful encounters, these were not the focuses of this retreat. Instead, activities, sharing, and community were the side-effects of the focused and prayerful rejuvenation that can only occur when resting in Christ Jesus.

Father Adrian Burke of Saint Meinrad Archabbey was our presenter for three sessions across three days. The focus on the conferences was simply prayer. How can we communicate with our creator? Why is this beneficial? How does prayer change us? How does the world view prayer in contrast to our sacred Tradition approach?  

We can, and we must rest in the peace of our Lord and God. It is imperative to do as we were commanded to:  

​While visiting a church this Fall, my personal moral compass was challenged. The woman making opening remarks stated that “Communion must be received in the palm of one’s hand, with one’s arm fully extended.” As soon as those words exited her mouth, my heart began beating heavily, and my mind started racing. I knew our church’s stance on this issue.  The Eucharist may be received in either the hand or on the tongue.  

 In fact, the USCCB recently reiterated this when it announced that: 
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​The GIRM, The General Instruction of the Roman Missal, in its directives for distributing Communion, states:
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​However, it is challenging to go against instructions individual parishes have provided to us or go against the social norms imposed for the just purpose of proactively preventing the spread of COVID-19.

On this particular day, throughout the Mass, the decision that I was going to make was eating away at me, “should I act in accordance with the instructions to receive our Lord in hand or should I do what feels most reverent in my heart and mind?” Eventually, I came to my senses; of course, the answer was in prayer. I asked the Blessed Virgin Mary to allow me to see what God wished of me at that moment to best please him.

The homily was next after this silent prayer. And what do you know, the homily content was about knowing what is right and acting on it. The priest shared how so many individuals know what is right but lack the courage to act on it. Whether they are fearful of others’ opinions, the challenge itself, or even the law in some cases, they choose to ignore what they know to be right in their heart.

With this prayer I mind, I also assumed that the individual that accompanied me to Mass would choose to receive by mouth before me in the communion line, and it would be easier for me to do so as well.
When it came time to approach the altar for Communion, my friend stepped out… and into the other line. My heart dropped, and I was immediately filled with fear, but I knew what I was being called to do. I reverently walked up to the extraordinary minister and knelt onto the linoleum, waiting to receive our Lord. The gentleman kindly blessed me, most likely assuming my knelling was a personal practice in my home parish.   I continued to wait, kneeling on the floor, and the gentleman blessed me a second time.   Finally, he realized that I would not go anywhere and lifted up the host, almost asking me a question. I quietly said, “yes, please,” and he hesitantly administered our Lord and Savior on my tongue.

While none of this was easy, I knew it was what I was being called to do. I walked back to my pew and was tearful the rest of the Mass. I was incredibly moved by this experience.   I knew that no matter what, I must do what the Lord was placing on my heart, even if it is not accepted socially or standard practice. In this monumental moment in my spiritual life, God granted me the courage nessesary to do his will.   I hope to continue carrying that courage throughout the rest of my life.

As you go about your day-to-day life, I encourage you to consider the opportunities where you can demonstrate the gift of courage that the Lord has granted to you.  In these often terrifying moments, I beg you to remember that the only thing we have to fear… is the Lord. Keep strong in your beliefs, and never turn from what is right, even in moments of most challenging adversity.
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​Are You Making Enough Time for Jesus in Your Busy Life?

I'll be the first to tell you that I'm not. Quite frankly, making time for the Lord has taken a backseat to my schoolwork, school responsibilities, and all of my extra-curricular obligations. I've been noticing that I have felt off, not quite myself, and I finally came to the realization one day that since my schedule has become more taxing, I haven't entirely made time for Jesus. This was oddly troubling to me.   I don't think that it should be hard to make time for Jesus in our lives. There really is no cookie-cutter way to spend time with Jesus or to pray, and so this really got me thinking about how I could begin to make more time for that in my life.

I will give you a little background on who I am and what my life looks like, my name is Mikayla Hudgens, and I am a junior nursing major at Saint Mary-of-the-Woods College. I am a representative of the Student Senate, Director of Marketing in a club called the Student Activities Committee, and the Student Nurse Association president on my campus. Honestly, I'm involved in everything, and you can usually find me at all of the events on our campus. I'm sure that you can imagine that just with all of the things that I'm involved with on-campus, my schedule is pretty tight.  The nursing major is pretty taxing with all of its demands just to be successful in it. I simply find that there are not enough hours in the day for all the things I would like to accomplish.  It is difficult for me to say no to adding new tasks onto my plate because I want to be involved as much as possible. But at some point, no matter how involved I get, how much time I spend trying to be successful in my major, or how much time I spend with the people I love,  I always feel like something is missing. For me, that missing piece of the puzzle is spiritual fulfillment that I get through my relationship with Christ. 

I simply need to take time for my spiritual needs in order to feel well balanced and like I'm taking care of myself, and in order to do so, I needed to reframe my hierarchy of priorities in my life. At position number one, there should be Jesus, at number two is school, then probably my romantic relationship, then family, and finally friends. The next decisive action that I decided to do was take more time to invite the Lord into my life. Something as simple as this can increase your quality time spent with Jesus, and you are more likely to begin listening to God. 

We all know that little voice in our head that puts ideas in there randomly.   These are the thoughts that keep resonating in our lives, or that push us to pursue something. Yep, that's God if you haven't quite come to that realization yet.  Because our conscience is that inner sanctuary in which we listen to the voice of God, we must remember to distinguish between our voice and the voice of God.  A good conscience requires lifelong practice and dedication.   Each baptized follower of Christ must form his or her conscience according to objective moral standards.  That includes maintaining healthy relationships and acting justly as the Lord would have us act.  Scripture is a fantastic tool for this process of forming our conscience by study, prayer, and practice. 
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​I didn't realize how important this connection to God was until Jared began working at our college and made a point about it, and that's when I noticed that God is in my head all the time. Since then, I have been trying to look out for what He's saying to me. 

Another way that I'm beginning to incorporate more time for the Lord in my life is simply by sitting down with someone to have a conversation about Jesus and how he is working in our lives. That being with a spiritual director or even just a friend. Something as simple as that is a form of prayer because you are reflecting on all the blessings that have been bestowed on you in your last week or however long it's been since you and that person last talked. Another tip that I have found helpful and easy to integrate into your routine no matter how busy you are is to say a prayer before you go to sleep or whenever you first wake up. Just reflect on some hopes you have for the day, some things you are thankful for, and some things you need some help with. We can't do or handle everything in our lives all the time. We simply aren't made like that. We are created to need God's help and the help of each other. The last thing that I decided to do to encourage me to have more time for Jesus is that I decided I would lead a small group. Jared approached me, asking if I would be willing, and there was really no hesitation in my response as to me wanting to do it.  I was in a small group with my friends when we first went online due to the COVID-19 pandemic and into the beginning of summer, but then when that ended, I realized that I have been missing connecting with others and growing closer to others through Jesus. Sometimes, I believe that is the best way to understand myself, serve others, and connect with God.   These three things are best done when we gather communally in prayer; the Holy Spirit is right in the midst of all of your interactions with those people.  
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​No matter if you are in college, some form of graduate school, or an adult with other obligations, you are undoubtedly incredibly busy with a laundry list of things. Here are some parting thoughts and reflection questions that I have for you from this reflection. 

What is the hierarchy of the priorities in your life, and is Jesus number one? 
What are some of the ways that you make time for Jesus in your life? Obviously, I'm not asking you to lead a small group (at this moment), but just something as simple as reflecting on your thoughts, praying in some fashion, or even grabbing coffee with someone sharing your burdens with others. 

And lastly, are you making enough time for Jesus in your busy life to fill the Jesus shaped hole in your heart?

​Throughout this year, the words “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done” have held greater weight each time I’ve recited our Lord’s Prayer. For nearly my entire life, I’ve said the words as two additional petitions; “Lord, please let your kingdom come… please let your will be done on earth…” And then I attempt to work to make it happen. I say it as if I can somehow work against the powers of the world to bring God’s Will where it is not. It’s sort of a compromise to the Creator: I “wish” for His Will and the coming of His kingdom, and then ask for things like daily bread, forgiveness, and deliverance to help us get there.

As our planet struggles with the confusion of our leaders’ responses to new scandals such as another global pandemic and the anti-human, murderous actions carried out in our country and countries abroad, how much more fervently do we plead for the coming of God’s kingdom? How much more do we pray and bargain for His Will? But now I’m wondering, what do I think God’s kingdom on earth looks like? What is His Will? What am I really asking for?​
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Personally, the canceling of public attendance at Mass, canceling graduation for our senior students, canceling non-essential jobs, canceling school, and canceling the most basic human need of social gathering in almost every aspect of our lives has slowly emptied me of motivation. I tend to bring these up in my daily petitions with God Almighty. In my vain hurt, I feel spite even for those who now invite me back to physically attend Mass, as if the Kingdom of Heaven is one remaining event that hasn’t been canceled. So I drop to my spiteful knees and pray Thy Will Be Done, and Thy Kingdom Come, then stand up to have a look around, hopeful that life will return to what I think it should be. Still cancellations. Still masks and fear and confusion and spite on the faces of my friends. Still, we are confused and afraid. “Why hasn’t God’s will been done?” “Where is his kingdom?” I ask myself.

These worries come between us and our true source of life – the Mass. Often they even take the place of our daily reflection and time spent in quiet with the Holy Spirit. In retrospect, this is an absurd thought, to value our comfort instead of worship to the Lord. However, in my vanity, the two become one, and I begin screaming my prayers, “THY KINGDOM COME, THY WILL BE DONE ON EARTH,” and God’s silence becomes a scandal to me and my wants.

In my daily life, traces of despair begin to appear through April, May, June. “How can we go on with ‘all of this stuff’ happening in the world today?” The powers of the world – and our selfishness - tell us that it is too much to hold onto the Cross; to set our lives aside and follow the Lord, whatever the cost. These worries push in from every side, like an ocean rising around my home built on sand.
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​I remember how Jesus of Nazareth asked the Father for relief and ease in the garden; “Father, all things are possible to thee: remove this chalice from me…” (Mk 14:36, Douay Rheims). How much do I beg God to remove these “awful” times from us? In reality, nothing that I might endure is comparable to the injustice brought upon Christ in His Passion. Jesus continued his prayer in the garden of Gethsemane, fully aware of the torture he was to endure: “…but not what I will; but what thou wilt” (Mk 14:36, Douay Rheims). God’s will is not just a future thought, but also a present reality, and it does not necessarily mean our comfort. His will is being done, whether I like it or not. We are not waiting without hope. This is not a godless hour.

When I pray with my children, “…Thy will be done…” it is not just a petition that God brings forth his will on earth, but also an affirmation that I participate in His will and let it live in my heart, regardless of what I want. And when I conclude “deliver us from evil,” how much of that evil is the pride filling my own heart, taking up space owed to the will of God?

“Amen,” say, my children, tucked into bed. My daughter makes the sign of the Cross as my son tries to follow. I tell them I love them and close the door. They sleep peacefully, and yet they have no idea what is going on in the world. A thought grabs me: it doesn’t matter. They sleep because they trust their dad, and that is enough for these little ones whose “angels behold the face of my Father in heaven” (Mt 18:10). From His silence had come God’s answer. May we all trust in Our Father, and that will bring us peace.