We all have temptations, and that is something that we can work on to overcome. During the season of Lent, our responsibility is to more eagerly learn how to say no to the temptations that come our way. Sometimes, we are tempted by the little things, but we should never allow those to consume us. Lent is one of the holiest seasons in our church, and we should be open to learning how to overcome the challenges currently present in our life. It is essential to spend time in adoration and learn how to say no to the temptations pulling our hearts away from Christ. Learning to cope with these temptations and turn them away is something that God wants for us. None of us are perfect, and we all have our own unique temptations, but we should believe in God and get past them. We have no hope of being perfect apart from God.  His desire for us is to pick up our cross and follow the path He calls us to go on.

As I sit here writing this and thinking about the distractions in my life, I realize how imperfect I am. I often struggle with reserving enough time to sit quietly in prayer and grow closer to God. When I have the time, I enjoy my time in adoration and how much joy it brings me. I often find myself thinking of “other things” to do or work on that eventually get in the way of my prayer life. I tell myself that I can always do it later, or even the next day. However, that is not always true because then it turns into pushing it off even longer. 

When I do not take the time to sit in prayer as often as I should, I always feel down and unhappy with myself. It gives me that sense of grief because I know how much God is watching over me and everything I do. To add to the confusion, I often feel guilty because of those temptations to not pray. The next time that I actually sit quietly in prayer or adoration, I always reflect on the things that I let get in the way of my prayer life. I make sure to take some time to talk to God and explain why I let those things consume my prayer life and take steps to make sure that it will not happen again. 
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I know that it is not acceptable to let things get in the way, which is why I am continually trying to grow deeper in my faith and reject those temptations when they arise. It takes practice to turn those temptations away and choose to grow deeper in my faith and spiritual journey with Christ. This is one of the most cherished aspects of my life - Spending time with God, and I hold very close to my heart.  This is because God is the only one who knows how your life will progress. He will always be there for you.   We never need to doubt Him or the path that He takes us. By having heartfelt conversations with Him, we learn what makes us stronger and grow spiritually with Him.

Going to adoration weekly is the source of my joy and enables growing in my faith journey. While I was in college, I was very consistent with going to adoration weekly. I would take every opportunity to go and would sometimes even go more than once a week. I found this as my time to slow down with all of the craziness in life and just have a one-on-one talk with God. It allowed me to let go of all the temptations sitting in the way and grow deeper in my spiritual journey.

Since finishing college, I noticed my time in adoration was becoming less frequent, but I continued to feel called to the real presence of Christ. I may not go as often as I used to, but I still make it a point to go when I can. It is one of those things that brings pure joy.  It is time away from the world and time dedicated to Christ.   It makes you realize the essential things in life. I decided to take the initiative and dedicate scheduled time for adoration.  This is the best action I can take to make sure to keep improving my prayer life. Prayer helps us become more thankful daily.  For example, I am so grateful for all of the fantastic opportunities and blessings that have come my way within the past couple of months.

I often look to God when I am struggling under the weight of my responsibilities in life. Taking the time to spend some time with God allows me to have those conversations with Him. It also helps me learn how to wait patiently for the things that I have always dreamed of. By praying, I have been blessed with answers to my prayers in so many ways. I cannot thank God enough for all of the answers He has sent my way so far, and I can’t wait for all of the fantastic things that he will do for you.

Answering yes to God’s calling to do whatever He calls you to do should be taken seriously. I know that if I had not listened to Him, I would probably not be where I am spiritually and physically today. God has many things planned for us, and he will fulfill His promises.  For him to do so, we must make it our best intention to follow the path that He has laid out for us. This Lenten season, I hope that you reflect on the areas that God is calling you and that you take action to fulfill His promises. I encourage you to spend more time in prayer and get to know Christ, our God, King,  Lord, and our closest Friend.

God Bless.

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 Let’s take a trip down memory lane! Does anyone else remember elementary school crushes? Every kid I knew had a crush on somebody else. You’d ask your friends to go up to them, ask if they liked you back, and giggle at lunch when you found out that they did. Quite a few kids that I knew were “dating.” I put quotations on the word “dating” because back then, dating meant holding hands during recess and telling everyone in the class that you two were a couple. 

I had my first “boyfriend” when I was in seventh grade. The boy had dated probably every other girl in our class, but I was a child and did not realize what that probably meant back then. I’d never kissed a guy before, but he had kissed a few girls. I remember his eighth-grade graduation party vividly. I let him know that I absolutely did NOT want to kiss him. He was okay with it, and we spent the rest of the time holding hands and sitting next to each other. Two months later, I stopped liking him and broke up with him over text.   

Being homeschooled in high school, I didn’t have any opportunities to meet guys or date. Thinking back, that probably was a good thing. I focused on my schoolwork, my relationship with Christ and grew a lot as a young woman. 

My first kiss was when I was seventeen. The boy and I were not even dating, and we never officially became a couple. This boy, who to this day is a significant person in my life, threw me around a bit and used our kiss as a way to play with my emotions. We were on-and-off for a few years, and early on, I asked his religious beliefs. He told me with ease that he was not a practicing Christian. He then gave me long spiels about his journeys with his faith and why he did not believe or practice. And I can remember the sinking feeling in my stomach when I found out. I didn’t want to be in a serious relationship with somebody who did not desire to attend Mass with me or did not believe in God. But I liked him a lot, and I did not want to leave the blossoming relationship so soon just because of our differing beliefs.

When our relationship inevitably came to an end, I soon began dating someone else. This boy and I had no prior friendship, really, and I wasn’t sure why I said yes when he asked me out. Soon after, this relationship also ended; I had liked somebody else quite a bit. Things between him and I didn’t seem to be advancing anywhere towards a relationship, so I grabbed onto the first opportunity I had to pursue a relationship. This boy also wasn’t religious. I remember when we were talking about it on the phone, he had nervously asked if this was going to affect how I saw him. Hesitantly, I had said no. But that sinking feeling was there again, and I knew in the back of my mind that it couldn’t work. And a month later, we broke up.

After my second failed relationship and a second try with the first boy that again ended unsuccessfully, I told myself that God had to be a number one priority in every one of my future relationships. I had even discussed it with the first boy, and he had admitted to me that he knew I couldn’t date somebody whose relationship with God was that strained. I needed to be more intentional with discernment and spending time in prayer to determine what God wanted of me.  

Focusing on this new requirement in my relationships, I noticed that I began analyzing every Catholic guy I knew to see if they would be good boyfriend material. I hadn’t initially found any of these guys physically attractive, but the goal of dating somebody who was Catholic was so strong in my mind that I needed to look past everything else. I realized that I was still not making God a number one priority. I wasn’t making prayer a number one priority. I was still playing by my rules. Sure, these guys I knew were Christian, but that was all they had that was appealing to me. They were kind; therefore, I could see myself dating them. 

It took me a while to offer up my dating life to God and put it in His hands. Waiting for the right guy to come along sounded promising, but I was also impatient. I wanted a cute boyfriend who would share my love of God with me right now. I needed to learn that my idea of the “perfect guy” should be understood through the lens of virtue. Our goal should be to find a man who will be a virtuous and heroic husband and father. God helped me to realize where my priorities should be.

Becoming more at peace with giving more of myself to Christ, I began focusing on my academics and strived to become a better student and musician. The relationships that I had with my close friends became a bigger priority, and I had connected with them on deeper levels. My work ethic at my job changed, and I was motivated to do my job well. I was finally comfortable where I was in my life: single and a full-time college student. Conclusively, finding a boyfriend wasn’t a priority for me, which opened up so many opportunities to strengthen my faith and relationships with others.

Things were falling into my lap, seemingly at the perfect time. I had a guy I met on a University Ministry Awakening Retreat reach out randomly one day, asking to help at Praise and Worship nights that I hosted every once in a while for Maximize. I was excited at the prospect of help -- and somebody that knew how to play the guitar -- and eagerly agreed to meet him for coffee. 

The spark was immediate. It was like something in my brain switched and told me, “this is where you are supposed to be.” This guy, whom I met with for coffee to discuss Praise and Worship, ended up becoming my boyfriend. He was a strong and proud Catholic who had a clear path on what he wanted to do in the future and maintained a wonderful family life. The relationship continues to move quickly, and I find it useful to do the following. Quiet my heart and mind, remove distractions, enter prayer, and ask God if this continues to be right. God finds a way to communicate his answer to me. Often, he indicates this to me via a shining moment of Grace that would answer this question. Yes. This is right.  

Dating is active and prayerful discernment. Is this person my future husband? I do desire that more than anything. But, I have given Christ my dating life, and both he and I must now prayerfully discern this together. I firmly believe that this person could only be given to me once I put all of my life in the hands of Christ. My active-discernment of the vocation of marriage is not something I completely control. But, by putting my trust and faith in God’s hands, He continues to give me what I need and when I need it. 

He tested my faith, my patience, and my trust in Him. It was not an easy path to stay on, but boy, was it rewarding.

Happy Valentine’s Day. May you put your trust in His hands, and know that He will not lead you astray. 

Amen.

I always wanted to be a therapist. I underwent years of school and countless hours in internships for the privilege of being able to sit across from a stranger and listen to their deepest fears, scariest experiences, and most vulnerable stories. It’s an honor. Truly.

I had to make massive internal changes and begin many journeys on paths that were not clearly defined. I had to take a leap of literal and figurative faith if I wanted a glimpse at the life I felt that God was calling me to live. It was (and is) scary. At the time, I did not believe that I was ready to take on the physical, psychological, and spiritual tension that growth requires.

We all have been graced with our own experiences of God. Our Faith is supported by our perception of God’s movement in our lives. Christ comes to us, beautifully individualized to each person, as a friend who perfectly knows us. The church provides us with a crucial foundation in the exploration of our relationship with God. But, in the end, we receive from God our daily promptings to modify ourselves to better align ourselves with the divine. With all of that said, this reflection is built upon my perception of how God is woven throughout my daily life and how He motivates each of us to reach continually toward Him. As you continue to read, remember that.

​ That’s not a word we frequently use in our vocabulary, but it’s one that I’ve seen come up as a pattern for the last few months. Abiding has always meant – in a way – being stuck. Rooted, but not necessarily in a comforting way.  2020 brought a lot more “abiding” than I wanted. Even as an introvert, I spent way more time in one place than I wanted to. I began to feel stuck. Reliving the same day, repeatedly with no growth or change, I hated it. 

Sitting still and only doing one thing at a time is not my strong suit. 

In college, my schedule was blocked out by the half-hour. Classes, work, campus ministry, an internship, meals, and the few hours of sleep I managed to squeeze in were meticulously planned out. Post-grad, it didn’t get much better. A full-time job, Bible studies, volunteering, and still, other things kept me in a constant state of “too many irons in the fire.” This was my normal, and I know it is for a lot of 20-somethings. 

I learned that that is not a way to give ample time to cultivate my relationship with others or with Jesus. One of my campus ministers repeatedly told me, “If the devil can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy.”  Ouch. That one still stings.   If that sounds too close to home for you, lean in with me for a second here. 

When I read in John 15, “Abide in me as I abide in you,” that seemed significantly restricting and not comforting like it should have been. I have read this passage many times and heard it repeatedly growing up in church, but it never stood out like it did in 2020. (John 15: 4, NRSVCE)

The seeds for this reflection were planted on our recent FRAYAM retreat, Christ in the Chaos. Overjoyed with the fellowship and breakthroughs I experienced with my fellow young adults on the retreat, I felt more peace and equanimity than I had in a long time, having had a profound encounter with God. Once I returned to daily life, however, that peace became more elusive as chaos again intruded:

• The ongoing turmoil in the nation.
• Grief over the breakdown of relationships in my family.
• Adjustment to changes in my workplace.
• The struggle to maintain my own mental health amid these challenges and the added pressures of the pandemic. 

 I began to succumb to an emerging horror as I grappled with the prospect that my own dreams and goals, and the future of the world, seemed ultimately doomed to fail. I would awaken in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, barely able to breathe, with the sense I was a passenger in a driverless car, hurtling toward a brick wall at 100 miles per hour in the dark. Each day became an unbearable attempt to stifle a scream.

Like St. Peter in the storm on the Sea of Galilee, the more I became preoccupied with the havoc around me, the faster I sank beneath the waves. I knew God was with me, but I had become disconnected from His presence as a daily companion. My prayer life dwindled, it was a hardship to make time for daily Scripture reading, and I began to question God’s plan for my life – if there was even a plan. My joy and hope evaporated. Socializing brought more pain, and I isolated myself from loved ones as I struggled to hang on and survive. I couldn’t explain what I was going through and didn’t want to burden others with my problems when they clearly had more than enough of their own. I had entered the “back of the beyond,” that barren place within that is far removed from all solace, also known to us from Scripture as the wilderness.

The concept of the wilderness figures is prominent in the Bible. It is a wasteland of doubt, testing, and, as St. John of the Cross described it in The Ascent of Mount Carmel and Dark Night, “mortification of the senses,” where we are progressively purged of all attachments that would hinder us from union with God. We all know the story of the Exodus, where the children of Israel physically wandered the desert for forty years before finally entering the Promised Land. The book of 1 Kings tells us of Elijah fleeing into the wilderness, fearing for his life and despairing over his mission after delivering a devastating blow to the prophets of Baal. And the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke describe Jesus Himself as being “driven into the wilderness” by the Holy Spirit for forty days and nights, to be tempted by Satan. 

In each of these examples, the wilderness comes after an intense, first-hand experience of God. The Israelites witnessed the impenetrable Red Sea being parted before them and walked across on dry land as their enemies drowned behind them. Elijah had called down fire from heaven to consume his water-soaked offering so that the power of the one true God would be revealed. Jesus had just been announced as the Lamb of God. He who would take away the sins of the world. He was baptized and confirmed by the Father’s voice and the presence of the Spirit before a large crowd. Why is it, then, that desolation always seems to follow these brilliant moments? Why is the triumph so brief and the subsequent darkness so long?

Unfortunately, we can’t live forever on the mountain of spiritual triumph. Big, public acts of God are signs to the world that He is real and loves us enough to intervene in our circumstances. But the ego is a deceptive and pernicious thing, and if all we know is continued victory, we risk ascribing it our own greatness instead of recognizing it as the gift of God it is. The wilderness is for our own personal development and must be a hidden and individual journey. It gives us a significant opportunity to put all we’ve learned of the Virtues, faith, and the Christian life into practice because that is literally the only way to traverse the landscape. 

I have found that there is more to the wilderness than trial. God, Himself is in that place, and if we renounce our need for control, answers, and outcomes, the wilderness becomes a place of strength. As we are physically and spiritually pared down to the essentials, we come to realize that God alone is the source of everything we need, as every other comfort and distraction is taken away. Because of this, we must not resist entering the desert. Paradoxically, in the silence when the pain is so great, we can barely whisper a prayer, God is drawing us to His very heart. When we’ve reached the end of our resources and beg, like Elijah, that the Lord would just take our lives, then He comes with unexpected consolation. God ministers to our deepest needs with healing water from what had been a parched rock and with manna for strength for the continuing journey.
Our sojourn in the wilderness lasts as long as necessary, so it varies from person to person. God knows exactly what is required to make us holy. The truth is, we will live a diminished and perpetually unsatisfied life as long as we run from the challenge of surrender. We must give our own fiat, saying, like the Blessed Mother, “Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.” (Luke 1:37-39, NRSVCE)

It’s a scary thing to completely abandon ourselves to whatever the Lord has in mind for us. Relinquishing control of one’s life feels impossible, especially as the world becomes more perilous and unpredictable. Yet, the feeling of power and control is an illusion, which is precisely why we are called to give it up. Jesus says in Matthew 16:24-25 (NRSVCE), “Then Jesus told his disciples, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.  For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.​” The Way of the Cross, that path of sorrow and joy, is the only way through the wilderness to eternal life. As God speaks to us in Isaiah, if we trust Him utterly, He will change our lives in ways we can’t even imagine: “I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” (Isaiah 43:19, NRSVCE)
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If you, like me, find yourself in the “back of the beyond” with a broken heart and no help in sight, tarry there a little while longer. Jesus is not far away. He hasn’t abandoned us, and He hears our prayers. As I wait for Him, I know when my deliverance comes, He and I will walk out of the desert hand in hand so that, as in the Song of Solomon, it will be a marvel: “Who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved?” (Song of Solomon 8:5, NRSVCE)

As I sit down to write this reflection, it is January 10, 2021. Many of our lives were vastly changed and affected by the events throughout the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020. Many topics have floated in and out of my mind over the past few months, and this required much contemplation on what to share with you for my reflection. I finally settled on sharing my journey through RCIA and how it has profoundly and profoundly changed my life and marriage for the better. 

About a month after we started officially “dating,” Alex (my now husband) and I discussed attending church together for the first time. I had grown up in a protestant household and had been a member of a few denominational churches over the years. I have always believed in God, but I had this deep feeling that I hadn’t yet found my place. Alex, on the other hand, was a cradle Catholic from birth. He is originally from Peoria, IL, and had moved to Terre Haute for work. He attended Mass when he could, but many of his weekends and evenings were busy. Attending church regularly and being a part of a larger faith-based community was very important to both of us. So, what did we do? Like any young couple, we started “church shopping” together, for lack of a better term. We began attending services at different churches, both with an open mind. Looking back, I’m not sure what we were hoping for. We had no pre-determined guidelines or requirements; we were just hoping to find someplace that felt like home. 

A few weeks later, we stepped through the doors of St. Patrick Catholic Chuch in Terre Haute for the first time together. It was almost Thanksgiving 2019, and Father Dan was presiding over Mass. To be honest, I couldn’t even tell you the details of his homily from that day. Maybe it was a Star Wars reference, random movie quote, or comical story that he somehow always finds a way to tie in just perfectly. But we both instantly knew this was going to be our place. We knew that this would be our new home.

Fast forward a few months, and as things began to get more serious between Alex and me, we started to have conversations about getting married and raising a family together. It was essential to both of us that our future children be raised in a home that believed in God and put faith first. At this point, attending Sunday Mass at St. Pat’s had become one of our favorite parts of the week. Each week, I asked more and more questions, googling things in the evening when I had free time, and my curiosity about the Catholic faith was growing.

Insert COVID-19, and lots of things changed. We could no longer attend Mass in person, Alex was missing coffee and donuts more than ever (he still is, since it has not resumed); yet our relationship continued to grow.

I began teaching Kindergarten remotely, started grad school, and we got engaged! Given the future’s unpredictability, we decided on a small civil ceremony and a convalidation ceremony at St. Pat’s in 2021, after I had officially joined the church through the RCIA process.

In August, we met our RCIA team the day before our wedding. We learned that I would have to attend class each Wednesday from then until Easter Sunday. By this point, I had officially chosen Alex to be my sponsor throughout the journey. That day we decided that when possible, we would attend RCIA classes together. It would be a good refresher for Alex and a learning process for me. Except for one time, during harvest season, Alex and I have been able to keep this promise to each other.

You’re probably wondering at this point why I have told you my entire marriage story. It is to make one critical point. 

Maybe you were raised in the church but did not complete confirmation. Perhaps you are married to a practicing Catholic and always promised to join the church but have never found time.   Are you the young adult that has just discovered the Catholic church and feel the nudge that maybe this is your home too? Possibly, you are the friend of someone that has been considering joining the church. Encourage them, answer their questions, ask how you can support them in their faith journey! Take that leap of faith. Dive deeply into the two-thousand-year history of the Catholic church and its RCIA process. Ask questions. I promise that you will not regret it, and I promise that it is never too late. Our RCIA class is quite diverse this year, with members from most parishes in Terre Haute, and nothing makes me prouder than to see all the beautiful people walking alongside me on this journey of joining the Catholic Church.   Also, due to COVID, there is much more flexibility with schedules for RCIA.   Each session is recorded and posted to Youtube for convenient viewing.

Alex and I now pray together daily. We say grace before we eat. We purposely sit down to share meals. We tithe with our joint income. We have begun the process of opening our home to children in need by becoming foster parents. We do this intending to love and support these children as Jesus loves us all. We consciously welcome Jesus into our hearts and home more than we ever have before. For the first time in my life, I started the new year by attending Mass on New Year’s Day, and there is no place I would have rather been. A new year’s resolution of ours was to start reading the Bible. Neither of us has ever read the entire thing. We found a plan online to read the Bible’s books in chronological order, and it is now part of our nightly routine. We take turns reading aloud together and reflecting. It is such a simple yet meaningful part of our day. We are actively debunking the myth that Catholics don’t read the Bible. 

And dear reader, don’t worry. If you make a mistake along the way, like forgetting to cross your arms during communion when you have not yet received the Sacrament of the Eucharist, The priest will forgive you.  Sorry about that, Father Dan; I was flustered!

I will leave you with this quote that we had read at our wedding ceremony in August. It speaks to me as I reflect upon my love for Alex, the love present in our marriage, and most importantly, the love that we both have for Jesus as a focal point of our marriage. 
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​May the Love of Christ, which endures all things, and found only by living in union with our God, abide which each of you.

I believe it’s safe to say that 2020 has been quite a year no matter who you are.  Covid-19 has run rampant throughout the world, there has been a lot of political unrest, and high racial tensions have surfaced in large cities across the country.  Meanwhile, it has been challenging to get together with our friends and loved ones even during the holidays.  I, myself, was unable to work from March to June.  Stuck at home while seeing the news and unable to interact with friends and family created a stressful situation.

With everything going on, it made me remember that no matter how bad things get, God is still in control.  While I initially stressed what I kept seeing, I eventually took a breath and focused on Him.  I asked for His protection and that He helps me keep my trust in Him.  It can be challenging because even after asking for God’s help, I had to endure difficulties this past year.  I struggled with financial hardship, a few of my family members got sick, and I even got COVID-19 myself.  

COVID-19 can affect people in varying ways. I’ve seen people who barely have any symptoms, while I have personally known those who have been sick for over a month.  I got tested because a co-worker had tested positive, and I was starting to develop a cough.  After testing positive, I quarantined for two weeks.  At first, the symptoms were so bad.  But as the days progressed, I developed a headache that lasted for three days straight.  A fever then followed that lasted a few more days.  Finally, the virus hit me with fatigue so intense that it was a struggle to walk more than a few feet.  There was a point where it did not seem like I was going to get any better.  

It is interesting to see the change in my prayers during this time.  At first, I simply asked God to get through it and take away all the pain I was enduring.  As time went on, I started to see how much He had surrounded me with love and support; My parents checked in on me every day.  I had relatives drop off the medicine and things I needed from the store.  I had friends call me to see how I was doing.  My girlfriend was able to take care of me the whole time I was sick. In my prayers, I began thanking God for all he’s done for me, not just during this time, but for my entire life.   

After I recovered, I thanked God for my recovery and for getting me through this year as a whole.  This experience has called me to see that not only has He been there for me during the time I was sick, but through all the hardship that this year has brought.  I also realize that God is bigger than me and my needs and that He will be there to all who call out to Him.  

St. Paul writes, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." (NRSVCE, Romans 8:28)   Paul then follows up with, “If God is for us, who is against us?” (NRSVCE, Romans 8:31) Paul does not mean there will not be any pain or suffering for those who follow God.  Pain is the unfortunate reality of our world and our means of sanctification.  God is merely reminding us of who He is and that He is always on our side no matter what happens. Remember, God has plans for all of us that go beyond what we can comprehend. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.” (NRSVCE, Proverbs 3:5) 
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2020 has gotten me to reflect on God’s presence in my life and has presented itself as a test of my trust in Him.  It has also enabled me to see all the great things God has done in my life, even amidst all the challenging events this past year.  No matter what you endured, please take the time and see the good things God did for you in 2020.  I believe it is also essential that we move into the new year with a mindset of renewed trust.  No matter what happens, God is still in control.  I hope everyone has an excellent 2021, and may God bless us all.

​Ever since I was little, I would spend many hours wrapped in my mother’s arms in tears. I was so shattered because I was not like everyone else and wanted to fit in. I had bushy red curls with pale, freckled skin, one too many visible and hideous birthmarks, and I have always been bitter about being so short. The inevitable reality of having a unique appearance was devastating to me. Despite how discouraged I always seemed to be, my mom raised me to be confident, and her comfort and love made me accept and uphold my personal temple of the Holy Spirit. 

However, my inherent feeling of being an outcast did not end at my appearance. I can remember being curled up in my bedroom in middle school, dreaming of the day I could move to California, where no one knows my name, and I can start fresh living my dream life. We all should have seen this one coming truthfully: I was a midwest born and raised gal living at the beach under palm trees in a culture consumed with materialistic vanity. I felt like an imposter just doing my best to maintain my cover. The process was repeated again when I fulfilled my dreams of living in Europe only to feel utterly foreign and lonely when I was once again not like everyone else. Now I even reside in my hometown as a stranger to most because they do not understand my life experiences, and I do not understand theirs. All I craved was to be understood, but all I was able to chase was acceptance. 

In my journey of following and mimicking Christ, I have found the same need to dilute the truth in order to conform. I love that they teach the small children in Sunday school to let their light shine, but it is a much harder act than they made it seem like it would be. As a young person in today’s society, attempting to live the Christian life, and even more explicitly living as a Catholic, are amongst the most offensive things you can be. Nearly every standard, moral, and value contradicts with culture. Thus, It is utterly intrusive to suggest this alternate yet more fulfilling reality of following Jesus. The irony is brutal. 

I was once told that we are baptized as babies not because we are of age to choose God, but because we were born and brought into the church as God chose us. We have inevitable birthmarks of God. We must share the faith, proclaim the gospel, and dispel the evil lurking around us every day. If not us, then who? It is easier to layer up and hide God’s birthmark and the mere fact that we are Christian. It is all too easy to fit it.  To simply deny Christ when everyone around seems to have already done so by their actions. It’s vastly discouraging to see the devil’s work amid our life and equally problematic in the lives of those we admire, but this is all the more reason to defy the unwritten rule of today’s culture; to be anyone except for yourself.

​My favorite Saint is Francis of Assisi. He is known for the idea of preaching the gospel at all times, and when necessary, using words. To begin your work for the Kingdom, all you have to do is be who God made you to be. God created us to be special and unique from one another. His creation’s beauty can be seen and adored through people owning their quirks, adversities, and talents, their birthmark of Christ. Once you can accept your Catholic identity, and be yourself, then the battle of being Christ to others is that much easier. People are drawn to authenticity and the beautiful diversions from the status quo. It can take a while to figure out who you are, who God is calling you to be and become comfortable with that. But, be rest assured God is in the waiting, the frustration, and the journey. Just start. 

 I spent too long growing up feeling like the key to joy and success was being like anyone other than exactly who God was calling me to be, holy and true. At any given point, I was tempted to merely escape to a place where no one knows anything about me. It’s easier to not be known, right? It’s easier to be like everyone else because no one will know your personal battles and scars. No one will have to figure out the darker parts of you. You will never have to recount your regrets or come to face with your faults that you probably haven’t even dared to confront yourself yet. At that point, you may begin to understand loneliness, question your worthiness of being loved, and struggle with your self-image the most. However, when you can be entirely vulnerable in front of Christ and the world, you can be loved despite your secrets and sins. You can move on from your past. You can genuinely forgive yourself. The Lord’s mercy is limitless, and although we are taught this so consistently in our spiritual lives, it can be hard to accept this reality in our hearts. It takes other Christ-centered people around us to encourage pursuing God intimately and aiding us in authentically accepting ourselves. We must open our fragile selves up to be loved so we can, in turn, do the same for others who are searching for what God provides. I’m pleading with you to have the difficult and awkward conversations needed to grow closer to God and those you trust. Tell yourself you are a child of God who can evangelize the world around you, even if you don’t believe it yet.

I think the secret to Christocentric growth lies in letting yourself be broken and yet still a beacon of Christ’s light in the world. God does not call the qualified, but instead, he qualifies the called. Let me be the first or millionth person to tell you: you are called. You have been every day since you were knit in your mother’s womb despite any impediment that has deviated you from the path. The church inherently comes across as an exclusive institution for outsiders. We must embrace our humanity, reform our shortcomings, and fight off the urge to do anything else except reach out for God earnestly. Once we are honest with ourselves and others about the struggles and the grace and joy that comes from union with Jesus, then and only then does the Kingdom of God become attractive and accessible to others through our example. 

We must proudly wear the bold birthmark of God, our Baptism. Christ calls us to denounce the secular lies, and worldly whispers shouted in all of our ears. It will require us to be brave and offensive to bring others to the freedom granted to us by Jesus on the cross. The freedom to shamelessly be who God made you be. The freedom to be forgiven and to be forgiving. The freedom to be loved and to love unconditionally. The freedom to hope, although this life is full of conflict, despair, and heartache, we wait joyfully for eternal bliss with God our creator ahead. 

​The time of Advent is such a beautiful season. It is beautiful and profound, but not because of the delicious food, pretty decorations, cheerful music, and gift-giving. Instead, it is lovely because it is oriented toward one person, one man, Christ. Often, people, including myself, look at Advent as a preparation for a birth, but this does not fully get to the heart of Advent. It is a time for preparation, not merely for the birth of Christ, but for Christ Himself. As people living over two thousand years after the first Advent, Christ has already been born, so we must prepare for Christ differently.

As Christians, we know that someday Christ will return. I often find myself not recognizing the significance of that statement. Too often do we look at the broken and fallen world we live in with so much despair. Our lives don’t turn out how we expect them to, or tragedies begin to make us wonder what good there is to hope for. This is why Advent and eventually Christmas are so important. They remind us of the hope that we have in Christ. Someday Christ will come again, and that is cause for much joy and hope. The reality of Christ in our lives is a gift that no other person can give and one that we must prepare for. A gift such as this can seem quite daunting, and it can be a temptation to look at where we are and where we think we should be and realize that we are unworthy of such a gift. And we’d be right. However, we also forget who is with us. Christ is just as much with us in preparation as he is the ultimate goal. Stated more clearly -  life is neither a destination nor a journey, but a pilgrimage where God is the destination and the One walking with us.

To continue on this pilgrimage, we must be completely open to God because without the journey or the destination -  we are lost. So how do we remain entirely open to God? Thankfully, we have wonderful examples of what it looks like to be completely open to God, and they are the people who were there at the first Advent; Namely Mary and Joseph. During my reflection on the holy family this Advent season, I have realized the importance of Mary and Joseph as individuals and the importance of their relationship with each other.

From an early age, Mary had made a promise to God to remain a virgin, and you could imagine that once she was to bear a child, she probably received a judgment from the people that she knew. This couldn’t have been very easy to deal with, and on top of it, because of her significance in bearing the Son of God, she probably experienced powerful temptations from the devil. However, what makes Mary so different is that she never gave in to any of the temptations. Mary remained pure in that nothing foreign to God ever influenced her. Even when things were uncertain, or if she was unsure what would happen, she remained open to God in all aspects. In Joseph’s love for Mary, he was there to help ensure that Mary felt safe. He needed to protect her purity. In doing so, Joseph was there to help her listen to God and not any of the judgment or temptation that would come from the world. He remained consistent in his openness to God so that she would continue to be safe and secure, knowing that his actions were orient toward God alone.

Joseph likely experienced a lot of uncertainty when he found out that Mary would bear a child, but he remained open to God regardless of that uncertainty. Through all of the difficulties that the holy family faced regarding the birth of Christ, Joseph had to remain strong and courageous, but above all, he had to be open to God. Joseph was going to be the model of authentic masculinity for Christ Himself. This would require a continued openness to God. Like Mary, Joseph anticipated facing temptation, but Joseph was a virtuous and prayerful man. There is a reason he was chosen to raise the Son of God. In Mary’s love for Joseph, she helped him in remaining open to God. Because of her purity, she would have been able to teach Joseph how to properly listen to God and give him the space to listen. Because of Joseph’s consistency, she was able to trust that his motives were always toward God, which meant that she would allow him the space to listen to God’s will. This can be seen prominently when Joseph was considering divorcing her quietly. Mary let the events to unfold as it gave Joseph space to eventually hear from God what he should do.
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In this relationship between Mary and Joseph, we see how too people are supposed to love each other. By always willing the good of one another, Mary and Joseph were able to help and strengthen each other but always oriented toward openness to God. They wonderfully demonstrate how we are meant to live with Christ at the center of our lives and the center of our relationships with other people. Whether we are called to marriage, religious life, or Holy Orders, God has given us all the desire for communion with others, and Mary and Joseph show us how we can live out that communion, together with Christ. As we finish up Advent and celebrate Christmas, we remember the reason for it all: Christ. He is a light to the world that gives hope and joy, and with the help of the Holy Family, we can prepare for and become closer to Him.